A Way To Control and Exploit Your World

Although the “slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” may portend attitudes’ interpretation of the fates deem inevitable, it can also reflect fatalistic expectations of future events within a cosmic play seen from a skewed perspective, just a nebulous notion or delusional state, demarcating individualized affect that attributes its own meaning to what images are suggested by “control”.

If seeking domination of circumstances to impact a specific effect is sought despite infinite unanticipated external possibilities, then personal thought, balanced upon positive and negative experiences, impress the ironic futility to any such endeavor. Now technology has an input into this very notion.

A variety of products developed for the enlightened individual who wants to take charge of his/her environment has been explored by; a reservoir of unimaginable ideas made concrete for anyone to redefine their personal surroundings.

First there is the color coordinated, Control Your Man Or Women Remote Control. Pink for the men and dark gray for the women who have issues with their paramour and require additional prodding instead of spending thousand of dollars in counseling or legal fees sucked up by lawyers to win a divorce settlement. The remote control claims to get them to do what you want on a whim, without the hassle of free will, free speech or love potion #9, conjured in a burning cauldron of witches brew so eloquently memorialized by The Three in MacBeth, Act 1, Scene1: “Fair is foul, and foul is fair: Hover through the fog and filthy air,” as an inspiration for the evil queen, stepmother of Snow White, as she transforms, a result of a dark potion,  into the ugly contorted witch in the sweeping 1940 animated epic Disney masterpiece Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs, surrounded by thunder, swirling wind and lightning and the poisoned apple, cackling her narrative to the mesmerized gaze of children and adults sitting in the audience. Although not a new concept it does have a soundly presented atmospheric charm all its own.

“Press a button and it yells at your significant other to do the task of your choosing. Both remotes emit obnoxious noises. the pink one sounds boyish  while the dark gray, whiny and ‘girlish.'” One remote is priced at $17.95, while the set, an amazing steal at $29.95. Perhaps behavior modification reminiscent of Psychology 101, the classic Lab Rat experiments devised for the quest to find the biological basis of behavior can apply here, or not.

Atmosphere is also a worthy condition to exist by making all life possible especially in a party environment within an array of merging amino acids. Now there is a way to test, and yes, manipulate your surroundings, and the people who comprise its milieu. Another genius invention shown on Its the Portable Voice Stress Analyzer, particularly made for the paranoid of heart. Trapped in an affair with numerous people, the voice stress analyzer is small enough to slip into your purse or briefcase and works “by measuring the tremors in the audio signal from the vocal cords. It then assesses how honest the people surrounding you are,” a consideration of note when attempting to cultivate a sense of intuition.  Advertised on for $58.40 “with an easy to read LED layout makes determining innocence or guilt quick, easy and unequivocal,  so you can falsely accuse and alienate anyone you want, anytime, anywhere.”

The final piece to this triad effectively designed for any diagnosed or undiagnosed control complex is The Sonic Nausea Gadget to make those around you feel queasy enough to leave. “Sonic Nausea is a small electronic device which can really ‘boom’ one’s stomach. It generates a unique combination of ultra-high frequency sound waves which soon leads most in its vicinity to queasiness. It can also cause headaches, intense irritation, sweating, imbalance, nausea, or even vomiting. The unique sound wave characteristics make directional source determination difficult.  Powered by one 9-volt battery (not included). For extended run time six AA batteries in a battery pack with transistor clips (available from most electronics stores) can be used instead.  Use with extreme (paranoid) discretion.” $29.00. This product is also advertised on, which specializes in law enforcement and military equipment.

All of these treasures are a  testament to whoever said, “Things always comes in three’s

My Percepto Rating: Its a secret. See if you can cajole it outta me.