termite-monster

The Monster From Gaul

Once upon a time, long before Paris became known as a regional capital, ancient forests existed where birds and animals and boars roamed the countryside, a home for an eclectic blend of wildlife seen only within the borders of what was then called Gaul.

One day, the monster Yara-ma-yha-who migrated west from somewhere in the Carpathian mountains of Romania, where first seen by Rosalynda, said to be the most wicked of all the witches of Eastern Europe: “Even her warts had warts that grew as she spread stories of Who?”, the pheasants de Gaul would say.

Rumors followed Who’s appearance whose name was pronounced, Yara-ma-yha-who. Said to be exactly four feet tall, fat, furry and red, Who resembled a troll who liked fig tree tops rather than being under a bridge, preying for unsuspecting children who wandered off and sought shelter for the night. Any breadcrumbs left by them were quickly removed by Who to insure they would not be noticed.

Those who saw Who said that, “Who’s got suction cups on the fingertips and toes, big ears, no teeth and totally invisible unless sneezing.” Others thought Who was related to an Octopus out of water who lived on top of the forest green. A wine maker from Chard-in-Neigh returning from Romania selling vin de Gaul said, “Personally, if you ask me, Who looks a bit like Rosalynda,” while a peasant woman added, “Oui,” otherwise speechless, horrified by the prospect of Who swallowing enfants De Gaul, without digesting them, but the longer they stayed in Who, before being regurgitated, the more they began to look like Who?

Everyone who heard this warned their young children who might wander from home, “If you’re caught by you know, Who, your skin will turn red, grow hair all over your body, and gradually change into Who two, one of the little furry creatures of the forest.”

Finally, an older child, Charles De Burgundy, responded sharply: “What a bunch ‘gaul.’ This all sounds a bit derivative to me, like a mixed up version of Hansel and Gretel or a very confused Dr. Seuss drinking too many bottles of Yoo-hoo Too.”