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Just One More Until The Next Hit

Dependencies are tricky, not at all what one imagines until trapped, unable to remember what it felt like to live without the habit. Tolerance of delay in gratification defines behavior and ability to deal with stress wherever addictive personalities are a factor, especially if smoking is only one of many dependencies expressed. Failure is always present until ready to finally surrender its intoxicating effect or sustaining need.

Any attempt to quit smoking is usually filled with delusional thinking, often dismissing each attempt with some justification that defies good sense,  ultimately leading to an opposite effect. “Just one more until the next hit,” a constant companion or an extension of oneself that creates complex distracting rituals that affect judgment by testing ego strength, exposing weakness.

All this insight, however articulated, is useless when the pull, the need to have whatever is satisfied by this fixation, calls from some indescribable place. The struggle between craving and self-control, either resists temptation or rationalizes to oneself that it’s ok to be human and imperfect and give in to the weakness of bodies’ need.

While in this chaotic struggle, consciously asking oneself if what is needed is necessary or self indulgence may consciously spark a different thought, effecting determination,  strength and focus to change the habit by breaking the cycle.