The Burning Ring Of Fire
Remembering an anniversary – the first encounter with your spouse and/or paramour is one that comes to mind – can go a long way when anticipating a night of consummate passion, a distraction from the ebb and flow, give and take of daily life. Tired from traveling to work, caught in the quagmire of traffic, specially for those who don’t have their very own PAL-V – the world’s first flying car developed by Solent – to avoid being trapped in freeway congestion, always a daunting experience. Now we have a new and thoughtful alternative to help you recollect those important dates!
Known as The Burning Remember Ring, it too can be a thing of power not unlike the One ring described by J.R.R. Tolkien in his beloved novel, The Lord Of The Rings. However, this amulet will not help you disappear, turn evil or avoid getting hit with a frying pan, but it will literally take you from the embers back into the burning flame of masochistic pain, forced to embrace the origin of your self-imposed servility.
According to Charlie White of Gizmodo, “The Memory Ring has a special feature, using its ‘Hot Spot’ technology that warms up to 120 degrees Fahrenheit for 10 seconds, every hour, on the hour, beginning 24 hours before that ’special day’, apparently honoring the anniversary of your voluntary servitude. Biologically speaking, it is supposed to be warm enough to be uncomfortable but not hot enough to burn you, or so they say. The Remember Ring converts the heat from your hand into electricity using a micro-thermo pile, keeping that battery charged and its heat-bomb clock ticking away, ready to burn you again next year.”
Although this treasure was not forged in the bowel of Mount Doom by the Dark Lord, Sauron, or hidden for centuries under the Misty Mountains by the tormented Smeagol as he pets the ring, “yes, yes, my precious,” first etched in cinematic narrative by Lady Galadriel, immortalized by Cate Blanchett, an actress of note, who went on to win an Oscar for her honest, sensitive interpretation of the late Katherine Hepburn in Martin Scorsese’s epic biography of Howard Hughes in 2004’s The Aviator.
The ring is now available in seven styles, either gold or silver. Perhaps if it came in green, one could imagine being part of the same legion as the Green Lantern, a DC superhero league, dressed in black and emerald spandex, finger ever adorned, with an opportunity to create your own slogan to charge the ring of fire with green energy from the lantern gifted by The Guardians Of The Universe.
In brightest day, In blackest night,
Let my paramour forget my over-sight
For if I use this ring too much,
My finger will shrivel,
Burned before smitten,
Perhaps cut off
L’objet de memoire (This object of memory, en francais) has a pointed puritanical edge reminiscent of the American writer, Nathaniel Hawthorne evoking thoughts of his novels, The Scarlet Letter and Maypole Of The Merry Mount, or perhaps Edgar Allen Poe as he sits in Poe Cottage on the Southeast corner of the historic Grand Concourse and Kingsbridge Road in the Bronx, the New York City borough often overlooked for its rich contribution to American History, as he scripts the brilliant imagery of macabre doom captured in The Pit And The Pendulum and The Fall Of The House Of Usher.
No price is indicated for The Memory Ring, however how can one ever put a monetary value on this incredible find, especially when one considers the prospect of divorce court or paramour payments! A constant reminder of commitments made ages ago without the insight of futures hold, possibly even evoking the memory of the late Johnny Cash singing, “It burns burns burns, the ring of fire.”
My percepto rating: EC, for Eccentric Contraption, a unique Eclectic approach to a Common(s) oversight
T – Councelor Troi, “I don’t know, what do you think?”
GF – Gandalf to Frodo, “Even the very wise cannot see all ends”
H – Hey, this is better than Toast For Your Honey, Hearts Gadget
CJ – Catholic, Jewish Guilt
W – Avoid “ring” around the collar by using Wisk laundry detergent
X – Zena, warrior princess, and her Chakram, that flat ring weapon thingy she throws at everyone
P – Pandora’s awakening alarm, the clock for perpetual forgetful snoozers
SMF – Sister Mary Florence of the Order Of Hopeless Lost Cause to make you feel even more guilty
CH – Charlton Heston in Planet Of The Apes, “Take your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape”
KH – Katherine Hepburn as Captain Of USS Voyager encountering Aliens, turning to her Commander,”Let’s engage them dear, shall we?”
JC – In honor of the late great Johnny Cash singing, “It burns, burns, burns, the ring of fire”
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