Rosemary’s Chicken


A delightful dish for a dinner party of friends, a reminder of that wonderful herb, Rosemary, the protection of garlic to keep the vampires away if Buffy, The Chosen One, Shiva of the underworld is unavailable to save you from uninvited guests. Perhaps a night of chatter as you and your guests watch Dancing With The Stars as you show off the brand new LG 52 inch thick High Definition TV mounted on the wall and imagine being in a French Restaurant with a backdrop of The Fox Trot danced by Priscilla Presley, in crystal clarity, dressed in a chiffon green evening dress to match her Hazel youthfully maintained eyes and Barbie Doll figure, accompanied by her 30 years younger Latino partner.

What you’ll need:

– Some randomly purchased harmone, antibiotic-free cut-up skinned chicken
– A can of cream of mushroom soup (Campbell’s is Um Um good)
– A can of cream of celery soup (Heinz is just as Um Um good)
– A can of cream of chicken soup (actually, any brand name would do)
– 2 cups (or more) of really cheap $5 French Burgundy wine made in California
– A lot of Fresh garlic cloves
– Tons of rosemary (those stalks of sticks)
– Some ground fresh pepper
– A rectangular baking pan
– Some heavy duty aluminum foil
– A modern oven, preheated at 250 degrees, with a glass window on the oven door (a personal preference).

Mix all three cans of soup in a blender with at least two cups of the cheap $5 French burgundy wine. Place the skinned chicken neatly in the preheated baking pan covered with the soup-wine mix. Slice the fresh garlic into itty bitty tiny pieces, neatly and carefully placed so that each piece of chicken is seasoned to perfection.To complete the mix, add ground pepper, a little salt, and liberally douse with fresh or bottled Rosemary so that each piece of fowl has its fair share. Cover the pan with the aluminum foil, place in the 250 degree preheated oven for approximately 2 hours of slow baking. The chicken will melt in your mouth in a savory blend of spice, flavor and texture.

Check periodically and baste with the lush mix of soup, wine and herbs as the aroma fills the kitchen permeating the dining room until it entices your guests for a peak at “Rosemary’s Baby“.

Comfortably serves four or six (if you think skimpy French portions). Serviettes at hand neatly placed on the white embroidered table cloth with a plate to cover the stains of the cheap $5 French Burgundy wine splattered at the center of your only table cover. Melmac would do if China is out of reach.

Compliment your dish with a mix of mescaline greens in a balsamic vinaigrette, with a touch of lemon; Some steamed fresh string beans (two or three per person, French cut of course); White or red wine or a glass of coca cola, a bottle of Perrier for recovering alcoholics.

Be sure to wash your hands before and after cooking. No test tasting because if everyone has garlic on their breath at the same time it won’t be as noticeable, except of course your children if you fail to brush your teeth before bed. Dentyne gum just won’t do.

Bon appetit.

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