The Skyscout Planetarium – A Gadget for Space fans

SkyscoutAlthough it looks like those lunch boxes parents give their child as they go out the door on their way to school, this gizmo is actually a portable planetarium, retailing for only $400. The Skyscout Personal Planetarium by Celestron “will get you acquainted with the night objects, including the mythology and history behind them, in addition to their name and distance from Earth. Just point and shoot, text and audio will tell you what you see.”

Useful for sailors’ “lost” trying to find their way on the high seas, but they could use a wood or perhaps Melmac bowl, some water and a weak magnet, especially if they want to go due North, or South.

An Astronomer would use more complex instruments that would be far more accurate than Star Gazer. Nor is this product for those looking for the famous stars that glitter Beverly Hills. Let’s leave them to the paparazzi.

This product is most useful to those who love to look at the sky, towards Venus and “display” their “intelligent genes” for procreation of the species. Especially when soaking wet, running in a thunderstorm for cover because you forgot to take your Thunderbolt Pro – a 75 mile range thunderstorm detector. Then when the night sky clears, you can share “The Big Dipper” or “The Little Dipper” with your paramour. If it inspires you to poetry, or just in the back seat of a convertible, contemplating some kind of “cosmic conception” – “Big Bang” Theory – do you really need the Skyscout for that?

It is in fact one of those “things that myths and legends are made of.” Cassiopeia was the mother of that fair maiden Andromeda who was tied at the cliff, to be sacrificed to Cetus, the “monster” from the sea. Perseus, having just slewed Medusa, is “riding” her progeny Pegasus, the winged steed, to save Andromeda. Sounds like a great story for a movie, except it was done in CLASH OF THE TITANS (1981), with Sir Lawrence Olivier in white robe, as Zeus, Harry Hamlin as the scantly toga clad Perseus, and Ursurla Andress as Aphrodite, in her post-lavender-bikini-days, searching for seashells on a deserted beach in Ian Flemming’s Dr. No (1962) – the first of the James Bond films starring Sir Sean Connery.

There is only one kind of person this could be most useful to: An average person with plans to build a rocket ship so they could plot a course sending their firstborn and only child to another planet to “be faster than a speeding bullet”, or leap buildings in a single bound under its green sun. Thus being the only survivor from a planet destroyed by global warming.

No specifications or technical data or place of purchase is available on this product except that it is rectangular, dark, and has buttons. Not available in “touch display” models, so Apple had nothing to do with this one. Power source unknown (perhaps dilithium batteries?), so parents who have plans to jettison their firstborn into the vast regions of outer space! BEWARE.

Perhaps the only place to find the answer to these technical questions, surveys of users, successful/failure rates of sending your firstborn to other planets is from the tried and tested Webmetricsguru.com, who has insights into up-to-the-minute Internet trends and buzz unknown to the average mortal internet user. How would he, or you, rate this product? Comments are welcomed.

This time, my PECGS rating is 5.

5: For fans of DC Comics who want a bottled city like Kandor, the Lost City Of Krypton, for their very own.
4: For fans of Star Trek Universe, all their alternate realities, spacial anomalies, and transporter malfunctions.
3: For fans of Forbidden Planet, starring Walter Pigeon, Leslie Nielson, Ann Francis and Robbie the Robot.
2: For fans of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, starring Kevin McCarthy, Dyna Winters, Carolyn Jones.
1: For those fans of I Married A Monster From Outer Space, starring Gloria Talbot, and Tom Tryon.
0: For those obsessed with Plan 9 From Outer Space, starring the late Bela Lagosi and his black cape, his last role.

Reviewer’s note: The only reason Star Trek fans would appreciate this item is because it bears the name of Captain Jean Luc Picard’s first command ship, The Stargazer, or those who worry about some alien plan to invade the Earth and pose as their husband or wife for some yet to be revealed sinister experimental purpose.