How To “Hand-le” Your Thing(a)

Door Hand-leThe first image I saw in mind’s eye as I gaze at the “Hand-le“, designed by Naomi Thellier de Poncheville was Gomez Adams’ childhood companion “Thing T. Thing” – or just plain Thing – the disembodied hand aptly portrayed by Thing in The Adams Family. Perhaps this is, Thinga’magig, Thing’s long lost love who lived in the same box in The Adams family mansion, with Uncle Fester, Mama, Puglsy, Wednesday and Lurch. Let’s not forget Mortica who knew how to “smoke” head instead of a cigarette from her mouth, or the illustrious cousin ITT.

Perhaps the “love” hands had a marital dispute, went through family court, and in a huff, Thinga left, parting company and met Ms. Thellier de Poncheville while on an ocean liner on her way to Paris France to start a new life. Thing was reported to have said in “hand” language that his beloved had plans to open a McDonald’s concession on the Champs Elysee selling, Le Beau Mac “Big Macs”, delivered by “hand”.

Some suggest that Thellier de Poncheville is related to Cruella de Ville, or possibly a descendant of Brandusa Van Eldir-Gottenburg, who’s mother Gussie was known as Sister Mary Florence, who became a “handmaiden” in the court of Henry VIII, the only person present when Esmerelda Lucinda Goochie Von-Bogg Stuppor gave birth to her only daughter, the late Contessa Llwaxanna Loveless Von Bralispth, rumored to be the illegitimate daughter of William Shakespeare. All descendants of the Sister, also known in England as Elizabeth Barrington , as well as current members of the Hopeless Order of Lost Cause, and the Vatican archives deny any knowledge or connection between Theillier de Poncheville.

Disney studios wouldn’t comment on any links between the inventor and Cruella de Ville. None of the 101 dalmatians reached verify any connection either. I wonder what Peanut the three eyed cat would have eyed, other than The Old Lady Of The Tree.

Thing T ThingHow Thinga’s became a mold for the “Hand-le” is a mystery that only Thellier de Poncheville can answer. Perhaps foul play since no trace of Thinga has been found. Thing has been in mourning since being “handed” the news of his beloved. Locked in his box, no one has been able to get a response. A memorial service is said to be planned by Uncle Fester who has been reported to be mouthing a Black Light instead of his usual 250 watt bulb in honor of what Mortica has been reported as saying, “Those Fickle Fingers” who didn’t even know how to use the (still overpriced) touch tone panel of the Apple iPhone/iPod.

This object de hand comes with no technical measurements. It has five fingers in what appears to be a thin right feminine hand. The metal used for its construction is probably brass, but that isn’t a certainty. Perhaps if it were padded it could have other uses by hyper hormonal males or females, but that is only speculation. No three fingered hands have been spotted in Paris, so Peanut or his descendants are not suspect. Perhaps has more complete data at hand.

My Percepto rating is simply a 5 for the number of fingers doing the walking through the yellow pages.