The Official Bush Countdown Clock
Now that summer has past, Thanksgiving’s around the corner and Christmas is fast approaching, have you thought of what the perfect gift would be? Although the Hillary 2008 Presidential Nutcracker is the gift for your favorite lobbyist, the Justice Anthony Scalia roll of toilet paper with the justice’s profile imprinted on every sheet with his very own interpretation of the Constitution in ten words or less etched in raised sandpaper selling for an astounding $9.99 per roll . A perfect present for the neoconservatives now occupying the white house.
Another wonderful gift, that one can leave under the tree is The Justice Clarence Thomas Toilet bowl plunger to unclog the septic tank as it fills with the Supreme Court excremental decisions this year, especially for those new high powered bowls that fail to work in the solar powered “outhouse construction.” It also comes with a very special reminder for all those fanatical conservatives who love Justices Thomas and Scalia , to wipe their mouth before they flush. For an additional 99 cents you will also receive some of Clarence Thomas’ very own pubic hair. The very same that was found on Anita Hill’s coke can that was offered as evidence in his lengthy and much publicized senate hearing seventeen years ago. This model comes in various colors and built-in sprays with “essence of toilet water” cologne, that I’m told resembles his parchment breath.
Now we have the Official Bush countdown Clock. A beautifully displayed apparatus to measure the time left for this “dismal excuse for a leader” who is now acknowledged by contemporary historians “as the very worst President in US History.” His popularity ratings are so low that it redefined the meaning of “going down.” This is a true collector’s item and will perhaps eventually become part of the permanent Smithsonian collection. Given various names, the Chinese call it the Sum Dum Phck Clock, an apt nom de plumme for the symbol of a president so reviled worldwide that the “ants in the pants” – denoting the excessive impatience for him to leave – causes one to bleed as they scratch to relieve the itch for this catastrophic imbecile to announce his resignation then slither his way crawling back under his rock in Crawford Texas.
It sells for $19.99 and has been created by “an ordinary group of patriotic citizens who are deeply concerned by the corruption, incompetence, and failure of the Bush Administration and their cronies. The Official Bush Countdown Clock was created for the therapeutic value of watching Bush’s time in office slip away like sands through the hourglass. Let this historic collector’s item serve as a reminder while you watch the seconds, minutes, hour and days tick away, no matter how dark things may seem, there are brighter days ahead.”
I highly recommend this product. The price is perfect and should be considered for all those bible-belt conservatives that made sure Mr. Bush stayed in office. It should also be mandated to hang in the Supreme Court building to remind the justices that it was they who anointed Mr. Bush Jr. as the forty-third president of the United States.