On Sexuality

When speaking about sexuality, we often think of sexual preferences in terms of the object of those preferences. Men for women, women for men, men for men, women for women. We can even visually describe this by the Bell Curve. Bell CurveFor those of us who don’t know or remember the Bell Curve, it is the statistical graph that illustrates where the population distribution falls for various characteristics. One of them is Sex. The center of the graph is where most of the population gravitates. As you go further from the center, you get to the fringes of the population.

The way the curve is used to define sexuality would be to include perhaps 87 percent of the population in the middle, covering about 2 standard deviations from the center. Here we would have all those that define themselves as heterosexual, both men and women. On the outer-fringes would be those that consider themselves homosexual, male or female. Even further out are those whose sexual preferences are considered even more “deviant from the norm” than the object of their sexual preferences.

Suppose for a moment that we used that same statistical curve to look at identifiable patterns as they relate to specific fantasies and practices that each group of the population has, actually engages in, and fantasies about behind closed doors. How would the distribution look? For example, where on the graph would a straight heterosexual married man, who enjoys anal penetration with his wife using sex toys on him, fall? Where would women who like or fantasize about specific “unusual” practices, that clearly fall “outside of the purpose of reproduction”, be? There are both heterosexual men and women who fall in this category, even though they would never admit it.

Most people, of both sexes, heterosexual and homosexual, are less honest to others – even to themselves – about what they want or do in the privacy of their own homes. Even in anonymous surveys, people are reluctant to acknowledge what they really desire. Most would like to envision themselves as “normal” and fitting within the two standard deviations of the center of the Bell Curve. Evidently, there are those who relish being on the outermost regions of the “fringe” by publicly flaunting what they want and do sexually in the faces of “normal society”. Is it anything less than hypocrisy to then label them as “deviant” while a portion of the “normal” group engages in fringe practices, but in complete secrecy?

It is better, in my opinion, to recognize that sexual proclivities should never be used as the basis for judging other people, whether they are heterosexual or homosexual. Sexual practices are not logical. Therefore it makes no sense to judge others based on their sexuality or sexual preferences. There are plenty other characteristics, such as a person’s heart, soul, intelligence, compassion and reliability, that are far more accurate means of understanding, thereby making a judgement, about another individual.

It is probably the case that far more people are “less normal” than they would like to believe or admit. In any event, I don’t think that any survey to date has accurately found the truth about sex and sexual practices.